Happy New Year

Dear Madigan,

Happy New Year.

And I say that with all the love and hope I can muster, as 2014 really sucked. For the both of us. And I can't help but feel that your father moving out was my fault. I am his wife, after all. And it certainly wasn't you. You are the one bright spot in our lives. Perhaps the only one at the moment. And so I need to apologize to you. Because marriage is so much harder than I ever imagined. And it's a minefield. And it's completely unfair that you have to suffer because of our lack of commitment. And communication.

To be honest...I'm not sure exactly what prompted this all. I do know that over the course of the past year I've learned a whole lot about what it takes to have some semblance of a successful, loving marriage because of the failures I've endured. So I wanted to share with you what I think you'll need to keep in mind for your future partner.

No matter what...don't go to bed angry. Kiss and make up. No matter what the argument, it's important to know that your partner still loves and respects you. And that a good night's sleep will change your perspective. But make the effort. Forgive. And kiss.

Greet your partner when they come home. It may be an effort...especially when you're snuggled up on the couch watching your favorite show, but it's important for your partner to know how happy you are to see them.

Listen. Really listen. Without a counter argument. Without thinking of what you're going to say next. Take a deep breath and listen even when you don't like what you're hearing.

Take time for each other. Especially once you start a family. It's far too easy to be consumed with the kids...but focusing solely on the kids makes your partner feel insignificant.

Commit PDA. Not in a grand fashion. But continue to take your partner's hand in the car. In public. Share a kiss. It's healthy for kids to see the love their parents share. And it keeps the romance alive.

Put your family first. No job is ever more important than the people you love and who love you back. Make sure your people know that. That they come first. That you choose them. Because they're who matter in the end.

Spend time together. And that doesn't mean you have to spend money. Some of the best moments are free. So plan an adventure into the woods. Or by the water. Disconnect from your technology and connect with your partner. Those are the moments that will remain as memories.

Take time for yourself. That may mean in solitude. Or it may mean connecting with friends. But taking that time rejuvenates you. And when you return to your loved ones, you're not the only one who will have benefitted.

Maintain friendships outside your relationship. That too takes work. Withdrawing from friends is easy. Especially when you have a family to focus on. But your friendships shaped the person you are. They ground you and remind you of your past and where you came from. And those people will support you in becoming who you are in the future. Plus...they'll always know just what to say to embarrass you and make you laugh.

Laugh. A lot. Nothing is more fulfilling than making your partner smile. And laugh. Keep the humor in your relationship. It may just be enough to get you through on the darkest days.

Never stop writing love notes. And meaning them. Leave them in spots where they'll be found when you've already left for the day. So that even when you're not physically there...you simply can't be forgotten.

I hope that someday...when you're old enough...you'll read this and understand how much I loved your father. And how much I failed him. And he me. And you realize that while we were unequipped to salvage our marriage...we were lucky that it resulted in you.

Marriage is wonderful. And heartbreaking. And sometimes it doesn't work. But no one talks about their failures until it's too late. To save themselves. Or future marriages. I am determined not to let that happen to you. I hope you never have to worry about any of these issues. That you and your partner remain committed and respectful. That because of your own experience of your parent's failed marriage...that you strive to make your marriage healthy and lasting. That is my wish.

And as for 2015...I wish for peace, calm, joy, laughter, and love. For both of us. I am not ready to give up on love. I know it requires patience, respect, loyalty, faith, laughter. And most importantly...perseverance. Thankfully, I have plenty of the latter to spare.

Happy New Year, Madigan.

Love, Mom



 

Pineapple Express

Dear Madigan,

This post will highlight one of your many food issues. So...you don't like pineapple. How do I know? Because there was a big production at dinner tonight! The deal? You had to eat your pineapple before getting dessert, which of course would involve ice cream in some manner. Unfortunately, dinner consisted of a cheddar stuffed cheeseburger you assisted in creating, rice (which you won't eat), and the dreaded pineapple.

Through laughter and tears, we tried to get to the bottom of the pineapple problem. Was it the flavor? No. Then...what? The fact that it was 'so yellow and coming at me like spaceships' was part of it. AND...'the hangy things.' Ah, yes. The dreaded hangy things. Who wants that?! So...no pineapple for you...but no dessert either, even though you choked down two whole pieces. UNTIL...you ate half a banana. Thank goodness for that.

It scares me how much you and I are alike. Did I ever tell you about my issues with stewed tomatoes? Shouldn't have been watching open heart surgery with a mouth full of that, I'll tell you! And oranges...eating them can sometime make me gag. It's funny how much kharma gets you in the end.

So remember...pineapples take about 18 months to grow, therefore you shouldn't waste them.

Love, Mom

Yahtzee!

Dear Madigan,

Just a little story that I want to remember...and which a busy life will make me forget unless I chronicle more!

So today, after school, we played Toy Story Yahtzee...currently your favorite game, and one which we play at least three times a day. The benefit of this is that I too love games and you desperately need to learn the art of losing! We actually have two sets- a new one you got for Christmas from Nana & Papa, and a gently worn one from Alex & Erin who have moved on to the original numbered version. One is here at our house, and one is at Grandma & Grandpa's house so that we can share the love!

Today while playing, I got a Yahtzee, so I gave a generous shout of victory...a 'WooHoo,' if you will. You told me I had to say Yahtzee, so I said 'Yahtzee.' 'No!' you said. 'Say it like you mean it!' And so I did. Apparently I finally said it to your liking, as the game went on and you beat me...although I should point out that I won the first game- just in case anyone's keeping score.

It's a hard concept. Everyone wants to win and gets excited when it happens...but we've also started emphasizing the 'it's no big deal...better luck next time...give it another go' attitude. In fact- we've even started quoting Elephant from Mo Willems' books. "It takes skill. It takes practice. It takes skill AND practice!"

Case in point- this past Sunday we took the training wheels off your bike although Daddy wasn't initially convinced it was a good idea. We'd been talking about it...and you'd already tried it last Fall but had requested them to be reattached. Now was as good a time as any to try again. So Daddy removed the trainers and we sent you on your way. After a few good tries, a few minor spills, a few whines, and a few tears, you had it mastered...but only after one full-fledged meltdown. And after dusting yourself off, you quoted Mo Willems'. We are so very proud of you Madigan. You are learning the arts of patience and perseverance...characteristics I hope someday to master too. Love, Mom

The Magic of Christmas

Dear Madigan,

It's a few days after Christmas ('09) and a good time to reflect. We were all very lucky this year, as Santa left us some great presents! Our favorite: the Wii, which actually lets us play together as a family. Currently, your favorite is bowling, but we still have to explore the many games we received! You also seem thrilled with the two pair of fingerless gloves Santa left- a request made after hearing me ask for them to keep me warm in the library! So yes, we both have them...me and my mini! Daddy's thrilled, as you can imagine. At this point, he just shakes his head.

This year, Santa was great at communicating- perhaps Mrs. Claus is helping him organize? He sent you a letter in the week leading up to Christmas, which was stamped from the North Pole. He mentioned your gift requests, Xavier (our Elf on the Shelf), and Cooper. He also left you a note on Christmas Eve, which we'll save so you can enjoy it all year round. Aside from the gloves, you received the 7 Battle Force 5 (contradiction?!) you requested from Santa. You must have been on the 'Nice List' thanks to Xavier, who reported back to Santa each night and found a new vantage point each day. It was fun searching for him and helped us remember to be on our best behavior. Although we didn't get a chance to say goodbye on Christmas Eve, since it was so hectic, we look forward to his return after Thanksgiving next year!

Hopefully the magic we've been experiencing will become tradition. AND, we hope it will help us remember what's truly important and translate to our daily lives. It's hard being five and being empathetic...but that's what we hope to accomplish with you Madigan. We want you to realize what you have and be grateful...but also want you to figure out a way to change the lives of those who aren't so lucky. Big aspirations for our little man. But you're moving in the right direction...between the whines and tears you do some very thoughtful things...including holding the door for your teacher (of your own volition) even though she was off in the distance. You are a thoughtful boy and we're very proud of you.

Love, Mom

Kindergarten!!

Dear Madigan-

It's hard to believe, but you are now a kindergartener! This Fall you began your school career in Mrs. Lyons classroom, and while it's been an adjustment, you seem to enjoy school and all that entails. Last week, that meant preparing for your first, official picture day. I let Daddy pick the background, so the theme was autumnal- think yellow and orange leaves. That meant you really could only wear dark green, which also brings out your eyes. I had the perfect pullover with mock turtleneck and partial zipper (from the top down). I had a time deciding what to put underneath it, as you tend to be a sweater and had Gym that day. I finally decided on a (wife beater) tank and zipped you up about 3/4 of the way. On the way to school we practiced smiling so that you wouldn't show too much in the teeth department. All set. When I picked you up that afternoon, I noticed your zipper COMPLETELY undone. I asked if it looked like that during your pictures and you -very nonchalantly- said 'yes!' You needed to air out, you explained. NO!!!!! This was not the photograph I envisioned as gifts for ALL the family! It was WAY too Italian an image (I apologize to all the Italians I've just offended)! Oh well. Best laid plans. At least your hair wasn't sticking up...wonder how that smile turned out.

So today was your second bout with Timeout at school. You must feel tremendous guilt, as you fess up and then don't want to talk about it. I finally got out of you that you were talking when the teacher was talking...but didn't delve further, as you seem to self-impose punishment. The shame is too much and you end up melting down. The same happened with the first timeout for dawdling in the hallway even after your tearcher addressed you directly! I actually had to email Mrs. Lyons to get the story, as you really didn't think you'd done anything wrong. I'm not too concerned with your hijinks at this point, as you're just flexing your pesty bone...certainly nothing evil. Just testing the waters, I think!

Another interesting thing we're working through is the cafeteria account. I put money on your account but did not share this information with you. The second day of school you were thrilled to tell me you bought milk at lunch. You told me you just had to tell them your name! Daddy and I tried to explain that there was actually money being exchanged, but I'm positive that message didn't get across! The next day, I asked about whether you bought milk at lunch. Of course you had, so I asked if you drank it all. Nope. You hadn't even opened it! I asked what you did with it and you told me you'd thrown it out! Oh no, no, no! We had a one-sided discussion (guess who was talking!) where we decided if you bought milk you were to drink it. The next day I checked in with you assuming we were all straight. Boy do I have a thing or two to learn! This time, you bought BREAKFAST!!! Man you're good. We're going to have to teach you fiscal responsibility...especially before the credit card offers come rolling in! We've decided to limit your lunch buying to two days a week- just like my allotment when I was once young! And milk any day...and breakfast only when you're REALLY hungry, which so far has been EVERYDAY! I'm going to need a second job to keep you fed and watered! Good thing I love you. It doesn't hurt that you're an only child and spoiled rotten. My little dude's growing up. Just don't do it too fast.

Love, Mom

Word Equivalents

Just had to post a few words that you currently say, and their equivalents. They will probably soon be a thing of the past, so here they are:

commerciables=commercials; as in 'Mom, I need that. I saw it in a commerciable."

lemolade=lemonade; as in 'I'm thirsty. Can I have some more lemolade, please?'

sumpin=something; as in 'Grandpa, I've got sumpin' to show you.'

Favorite commercials to sing:

Cat's Eye Pest Control "Cat's Eye. We're the best of the best to get rid of your pests."

Koto Restaurant "The Koto experience. Experience the magic. Experience the mystery. Experience exotic tastes, steeped in rich history..."

Being Five!

Where to begin? Your party was last weekend with a Spiderman theme, of course! There were nine of you boys ages 4 and 5 and both Daddy and I were run ragged! And it's not like we haven't both worked with tons of kids throughout our lives. For some reason, though, you guys drove us to drink- me literally- after the wee ones were gone, of course! I think part of the problem is that Dad forgot to come up structured outdoor activities- even though I left that department to him (and reminded him a multitude of times, of course). I'm safe saying this because I know he doesn't read this blog (yet)! Towards the end we had a scavenger hunt for your goody bags, which were hiding in the turtle sandbox. And lastly, the Spiderman pull-string pinata. Although you cried a few times after having been pushed down and unused to the commotion of many energetic kids, the party was a success. And thankfully, we don't have to do it again for a whole year!

As for gifts, I don't think you could get any happier with the present you got this year from us- an AT-Rex Power Wheels. As soon as you saw it you grinned from ear to ear- for hours! And the whole time you were driving your 4-wheeler around the yard. And every day since!

Today, it's Mother's Day. I received a homemade card from you in the mail, thanks to your preschool. On Friday, you had walked with your class to the post office specifically to mail out those cards. What a great surprise! And at daycare, Kate helped you prepare candy flower lollipops, which she put in a plastic coffee cup. The inside liner was colored by you and had a nice photo of you (with your shirt on backwards for Wacky Wednesday) on it. But the gifts didn't stop there! You and Daddy had gone shopping and you'd picked out a hummingbird feeder for me, so we could attract the birds just like at Grandma's house. And Daddy got me a FlipVideo! Expect lots of videos from now on! We also took Grandma out to brunch at Uncle Jeremy's new restaurant- The LongHorn at Lake Vanare. It was delightful and packed! In fact the whole family came out- the Vans, all the Castleton Clan, the CT crew, Nana, Papa, Grandma, Poppy, and Katlin. And Daddy hosted the gig! We wish Uncle Jeremy and Aunt Shannon much success in the future! It's the holidays that bring us together and remind us how important family is. I'm glad for our family. Love, Mom